Guest Blog - Tania Fowler
Aggressive v. Assertive
Aggressive and assertive are two words that you often hear used interchangeably. But their meanings really couldn't be more different. In the world of work, these show up all the time. Clarifying the definitions for your team can be helpful.
Aggressive people: dominate by using humiliation to control others, they use ‘you’ statements that blame, criticize, or attack; are impulsive and have a low tolerance for frustration; are loud and use overbearing body language; can be rude or even violent; they don’t listen well and interrupt frequently. Generally, aggressive people get what they want by violating the rights of others.
Assertive people, on the other hand, are: confident with their position; respect another person’s point of view; invite 2-way communication; state their needs clearly; make “I” statements; do not let their emotions get the best of them; pay attention to ‘triggers’ that can jeopardize their communication; are persuasive; listen well and don’t interrupt; and use body language that conveys confidence. Generally, assertive people get what they want by respecting the rights of others.
A good and easy way to remember if you or someone is being assertive or aggressive is this: aggressive behavior generally brings a negative, maybe destructive result while assertive behavior brings a positive and constructive result.
Communication behaviors live on a continuum with passive aggressive on one end to simply passive all the way on the other end, and aggressive and assertive in between. We ALL access all of these behaviors some of the time but understanding what makes for an assertive communication and practicing that is a very useful endeavor indeed!
Tania Fowler is the CEO and Founder of Interplay Coaching, based in Sacramento California
Aggressive and assertive are two words that you often hear used interchangeably. But their meanings really couldn't be more different. In the world of work, these show up all the time. Clarifying the definitions for your team can be helpful.
Aggressive people: dominate by using humiliation to control others, they use ‘you’ statements that blame, criticize, or attack; are impulsive and have a low tolerance for frustration; are loud and use overbearing body language; can be rude or even violent; they don’t listen well and interrupt frequently. Generally, aggressive people get what they want by violating the rights of others.
Assertive people, on the other hand, are: confident with their position; respect another person’s point of view; invite 2-way communication; state their needs clearly; make “I” statements; do not let their emotions get the best of them; pay attention to ‘triggers’ that can jeopardize their communication; are persuasive; listen well and don’t interrupt; and use body language that conveys confidence. Generally, assertive people get what they want by respecting the rights of others.
A good and easy way to remember if you or someone is being assertive or aggressive is this: aggressive behavior generally brings a negative, maybe destructive result while assertive behavior brings a positive and constructive result.
Communication behaviors live on a continuum with passive aggressive on one end to simply passive all the way on the other end, and aggressive and assertive in between. We ALL access all of these behaviors some of the time but understanding what makes for an assertive communication and practicing that is a very useful endeavor indeed!
Tania Fowler is the CEO and Founder of Interplay Coaching, based in Sacramento California
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