Guest Blog - Catherine Hoke
I want to share with you a game-changing exercise we conduct at Defy’s training center. It’s called “Giving vs. Taking.” I ask our entrepreneurs to shout out the emotions they feel when someone gives to them: “Happiness! Gratitude! Love!” On the flip side, we all know it when someone is “taking”—when they’re manipulating, not following the rules, cutting someone down, etc. So then they shout out what they experience when someone is taking: “Betrayal! Anger! Disgust! Frustration!”
Then comes the tough part. Everyone goes around the circle, stops in front of each peer, and stares them right in the eyes. I instruct them to speak from their gut: how have you experienced this person? Their choice is to speak just one of two words to each peer: “giving” … or … “taking.” They speak the word, then move on to the next peer, until they go all around the circle. The peers tally their personal feedback in two columns: one for giving, one for taking.
It’s super intense.
Reality sets in. Some realize that for two months, their peers have experienced them predominantly as “taking” at Defy. I pose questions as we reflect: “Are you surprised?” “Do you just act this way at Defy—or if this your standard way of interacting with the world?” Hmmmm.
How often do we get raw feedback like this from those closest to us? It’s easy, especially when we’re in positions of authority, to get accustomed to ego strokes.
I frequently ask myself, with the emails I send, with the words I speak, with my actions—am I filled with a spirit of giving, or of taking? How did people really experience me today? How do I want people to experience me? What am I committed to improving in 2014?
We all want our lives to really count. Will you join me in making a tangible New Year’s resolution that leads you to live a more giving life? If you let me know your resolution, I’ll share some of our donors’ resolutions with the Defy network so we can all be inspired by ideas for generous living in 2014!
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Catherine Hoke is an Ashoka fellow and founder of Defy Ventures. Defy Ventures harnesses the natural talents of formerly incarcerated individuals and redirects them toward the creation of profitable and legal business ventures. Defy offers a suite of services that includes intensive personal and leadership development, competition-based entrepreneurship training, executive mentoring, financial investment, and business incubation. By engaging top corporate executives, investors and entrepreneurs nationally, Defy catalyzes broad scale personal and economic opportunities for formerly incarcerated individuals, and shatters perceptions of one of the most stigmatized and overlooked populations in America.
Then comes the tough part. Everyone goes around the circle, stops in front of each peer, and stares them right in the eyes. I instruct them to speak from their gut: how have you experienced this person? Their choice is to speak just one of two words to each peer: “giving” … or … “taking.” They speak the word, then move on to the next peer, until they go all around the circle. The peers tally their personal feedback in two columns: one for giving, one for taking.
It’s super intense.
Reality sets in. Some realize that for two months, their peers have experienced them predominantly as “taking” at Defy. I pose questions as we reflect: “Are you surprised?” “Do you just act this way at Defy—or if this your standard way of interacting with the world?” Hmmmm.
How often do we get raw feedback like this from those closest to us? It’s easy, especially when we’re in positions of authority, to get accustomed to ego strokes.
I frequently ask myself, with the emails I send, with the words I speak, with my actions—am I filled with a spirit of giving, or of taking? How did people really experience me today? How do I want people to experience me? What am I committed to improving in 2014?
We all want our lives to really count. Will you join me in making a tangible New Year’s resolution that leads you to live a more giving life? If you let me know your resolution, I’ll share some of our donors’ resolutions with the Defy network so we can all be inspired by ideas for generous living in 2014!
***
Catherine Hoke is an Ashoka fellow and founder of Defy Ventures. Defy Ventures harnesses the natural talents of formerly incarcerated individuals and redirects them toward the creation of profitable and legal business ventures. Defy offers a suite of services that includes intensive personal and leadership development, competition-based entrepreneurship training, executive mentoring, financial investment, and business incubation. By engaging top corporate executives, investors and entrepreneurs nationally, Defy catalyzes broad scale personal and economic opportunities for formerly incarcerated individuals, and shatters perceptions of one of the most stigmatized and overlooked populations in America.
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