It isn't all about me & It is all about me

I got back from a great retreat I do yearly with some great friends. We had some great discussions.. One of them was about relationships and how relationships that we value require ongoing investment, communication, compromise.

Got me thinking…

When we think about our relationships - home, friends, colleagues, employees… - when we really think about the dynamics of those relationships and how we can improve them, we often talk in terms of making changes. Changes to improve what isn't working, changes to make things even better.

The starting point in change, more often than not, is looking at ourselves. Often we project relationship problems and issues on the other party:
"If only he would"
"they are so unrealistic in their expectations…"
"She doesn't listen"
"they don't value what I am doing"

Truth is though, if we are willing to look at ourselves honestly, it is about us. We are not in control of how others behave, how others perceive us. What we are in complete control of is how we see ourselves, how we behave, how we want to be perceived. And at the very least, 50% improvement in any relationship is owned and controlled completely by us.

Once we allow an honest stocktaking of ourselves, we can put ourselves in the shoes of the other party and see how our actions (or lack of) affect them.

So it isn't about me - It is about thinking of the other party (selflessly)

And it is all about me - taking ownership of the actions and behaviors that I can control - it's me changing myself and not expecting change or perfection from others.

It isn't all about me & It is all about me!